Four ways to use mindfulness to improve your relationship

All relationships — even healthy, loving ones — face stress sometimes. From the day-to-day mental load of managing a household to major life changes like having a baby or experiencing an unexpected loss, life’s challenges affect our relationships. While some bumps in the road are inevitable, you can incorporate things like mindfulness in relationships to keep your connection strong. 

You might be aware of mindfulness as a tool for personal stress management. It can also benefit your relationship. Just like taking your daily vitamins may keep your body healthy and help prevent illness, mindfulness in relationships can preserve your connection. 

Research shows that techniques like mindfulness-based relationship enhancement can improve relationship satisfaction, acceptance, autonomy, and more. This intervention is typically facilitated by a mental health professional, often in the context of couples therapy. However, if you’re interested in bringing more mindfulness to your relationship today, the following tips can help you and your partner(s) get started. 

Don’t wait for a crisis

Some people think they need to wait until something catastrophic happens to enter couples therapy or work on their relationship. But the truth is, you can take steps to strengthen your connection at any time. Proactively working on skills like communication and stress management can help you build resilience to weather life’s storms together. 

Try it out: Set aside regular time to connect with your partner(s) and do a relationship check-in. Ask them how they’re feeling and if there’s anything they want to attend to in the relationship. This doesn’t mean you have to go on an expensive date. You can have a mindful conversation anywhere that allows you to focus on each other and eliminate distractions, even if it’s just for 15 minutes.

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Practice gratitude

Most of us know how good a heartfelt “thank you” can feel. But in the busyness of daily life, it can be easy to overlook our partner’s contributions. Mindfulness and gratitude go hand in hand because they both require slowing down and noticing what’s happening in the present. Making a point to reflect on what you love about your partner and expressing your gratitude can foster closeness and keep resentment at bay.

Try it out: Take a few minutes to write down a few things about your partner that you’re grateful for. It can be something simple like, “I love that they make the bed every morning because they know how much it means to me.” Or it could be something more profound, like, “I’m so grateful for how they showed up for me after my mom died.” You can decide when and if you want to share this list with your partner. But getting into a regular practice of gratitude journaling can help illuminate the good things in your relationship and your life that you might otherwise miss.

Demonstrate curiosity

We often think of love as the most important pillar in a relationship. But trust is also critical. Showing a sincere interest in your partner’s life and inner world is one way to help them feel seen and heard. And by demonstrating curiosity about their emotions and experiences, you can create a space to deepen trust in your relationship.

Try it out: Show your partner that you’re invested in the details of their life and that you care about how the day’s events affected them. Instead of asking the standard, “How was your day?” question, try to be more specific. For example, you could say something like, “I know you had that big presentation today, and you’ve been working so hard on it. How did it go?” or, “That parent-teacher conference gave me a lot to think about. How are you feeling about the conversation?”  

Ask for help

Healthy relationships are essential for our mental health and well-being. But there’s no instruction manual for how to create or maintain them. But you don’t have to navigate your relationship journey alone. Therapies like mindfulness-based relationship enhancement can keep stable partnerships strong. In other words, if your relationship is happy and loving, mindfulness can help you keep it that way.

Try it out: If you’re curious about how mindfulness can improve your relationship, a mindfulness-based couples therapist can help. These providers receive specific training, and you can ask about their background and experience when you contact them. Let potential therapists know that you’re specifically interested in working with someone skilled in using mindfulness principles in their work with couples.

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Although mindfulness is often thought of as an individual practice, it can also be used in romantic relationships. And the good news? You don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis mode to benefit from it. Whether you’re dating, married, or building a new connection, a mindfulness-based couples therapist can help you leverage mindfulness principles to increase satisfaction and reduce stress in your relationships. 

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.

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